“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut
Chronic pain messes with your entire being. It messes with your sleep and is with you every waking hour. And I feel like a baby writing about it here; mostly because I will, in six weeks or so, hopefully get some relief. I am one of the lucky ones.
Lately it seems, I have lost my muse so to speak. I have been struggling so with my writing and my photography. Finding both a chore and not feeling that deep internal drive I have felt for so long. It made me wonder if I had lost my need; made me wonder if it was phase that was now done and over. It made me frustrated and sad.
All kinds of things went through my head. I thought about abandoning my 365; thinking I made it to mid-year. I thought about leaving or just turning this blog off. I thought about how I could scale back; but maybe still keep something going. And then it dawned on me. . .
It is the pain, the constant pain. It drains me and makes everything hard. It is hard to even go to the store and forget about walking the dog and if I can avoid our stairs, I do. By early evening I am dead tired and yet I wake several times a night and have to get up because it hurts. It is a cycle and it is messing with my head.
Several years ago three little boys worked and worked on making a cable ride from one tree to another in our yard. The least of my worries was that they would get it to work. . . But they did. They worked on it for days, then left it for a bit and came back to it a few weeks later and they got it to work. What remains of it still hangs in our yard today and when the three of them talk about it, there is still pride in their voices.
So I have decided to take my cue from them. I will keep at it, maybe taking a bit more time off over the next six weeks or so. . . but I won't give up. And if there are days when nothing comes I will just laugh and back off for a bit and give myself some time.
Thanks for understanding. . .
what inspires you lately?